


Assassination Pranks

by Katalyna_Rose



Series: Kahlia Mahariel [21]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Kahlia is a Prankster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 04:04:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 528
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11455605
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katalyna_Rose/pseuds/Katalyna_Rose
Summary: "Prompt for Zev/Kahlia "Just listen to me!" including or not: a cat, juggling, and a watermelon with a mustache " from @threeofclanlavellan on tumblr.





	Assassination Pranks

Zevran blinked slowly, perplexed.

“No,” he finally said, crossing his arms. Kahlia raised a brow. “No!” he said again, adamant.

“It won’t work if you don’t,” she told him again.

“I refuse to juggle for the sake of your… Whatever this is,” he said, waving a hand at the setup on the table.

Where Kahlia had found a live cat willing to remain seated on a watermelon he’d never know.

Where Kahlia had gotten hold of an intact mustache still on the skin and everything to attach to the aforementioned watermelon he didn’t _want_ to know. She’d probably cut someone’s lip off to do it. He wondered if the bloke had deserved it. He wondered if there was some lipless man wandering around Antiva City screaming about a she-elf who disfigured him or if he’d died. He wondered if the man had died before or after she stole his mustache.

He didn’t really want to know. They were all questions better left unanswered.

“If you don’t juggle, it won’t work,” Kahlia insisted. He turned from his study of the severed mustache to his love’s almost-blank expression. There was a manic light burning behind her usual stoicism that urged him to give in to her mad scheme.

“Just listen to me, amor,” Zevran told her, wondering why she was being so insistent on this. “I will not juggle while you throw this ridiculous contraption at him.”

“It’s filled with razors,” she announced, as if that would persuade him. He blinked again and looked closely at the watermelon. It didn’t look like it was filled with razors, but she’d managed stranger things. Like the cat. And the mustache.

The tabby cat chose that moment to start cleaning a paw.

“If it is filled with razors, will not the cat die as well as the mark?” he asked her.

“No,” said the cat, and Zevran jumped out of his skin, stumbling back so suddenly that he ended up on his ass. Kahlia smiled sightly, pleased with herself.

“Zevran, surely you remember Talon Arainai,” she said, waving a hand at the cat.

“How did she convince you to do this?” he asked his one-time master, now as free a man as he was. The cat shrugged, which looked strange and uncomfortable.

“She made a compelling argument,” was the mage’s only response before he returned to cleaning his paw with his tongue. Zevran wondered, briefly, if he’d hack up a hairball once he changed back.

Still on the floor, Zevran put his head in his hands.

“All I have to do is juggle?” he finally asked, somewhat desperately. Maybe if he gave in it would be over faster.

“That’s all I ask,” Kahlia confirmed. Zevran sighed.

“What exactly will I be juggling?”

“Torches.”

“I knew I should have asked that question first. Fine, fine, off we go then.” He picked himself up and took secret joy in the way Kahlia’s eyes lit up, her small smile the most beautiful thing he’d seen in years. It would be, by far, the strangest way he had ever carried out a contract for the Crows. But it would make for a very interesting story some day.

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of my readers seem to be laboring under the false assumption that Kahlia can't enjoy herself or have any fun post-trauma. That is entirely inaccurate. Her sense of humor just got a little more... warped. :D


End file.
